How to Avoid Hard Feelings by Using An Unrelated Agent

It seems like almost everyone knows someone in real estate. So when it’s time to buy or sell a home, working with a friend or relative may feel like the obvious choice. Sometimes it is. Other times, the professional who’s right for your transaction may be someone else. The important thing is to separate the personal relationship from the professional decision and consider whether that person has the experience, knowledge, availability, and approach you need for one of the largest financial transactions you may make.

There are legitimate advantages to working with someone you already know, along with some potential complications worth considering. Looking at both sides can help you make a decision that protects both the transaction and the relationship.

PROS OF WORKING WITH A FRIEND OR RELATIVE

• Existing Trust
  If you already have a strong relationship, there may be an established level of trust and comfort that would take time to build with someone new. That can make honest conversations easier when important decisions need to be made.

• A Personal Investment in Your Success
  Someone who cares about you personally may be especially motivated to see your transaction go well. There may also be financial considerations or arrangements they’re willing to discuss, although real estate compensation is negotiable and any arrangement should comply with applicable law and brokerage policies.

CONS OF WORKING WITH A FRIEND OR RELATIVE

• Personal and Financial Privacy
  A real estate transaction naturally involves conversations about budget, timing, motivation, negotiation, and other personal matters. You may be perfectly comfortable discussing those things with someone you know — or you may prefer some separation between your personal life and your real estate business. If financing is involved, detailed lending and credit information will generally be handled with your lender, but your agent will still need enough financial context to help you pursue realistic options.

• When Business Gets Complicated
  Real estate transactions don’t always go according to plan. Inspection issues, appraisal problems, negotiations, delays, disagreements, or even a transaction that never closes can create stress. Ask yourself whether you and the other person can keep a difficult business situation from becoming a personal one.

An excellent agent can be full-time or part-time, newer to the business or highly experienced. The better questions are whether they have the competence and resources your transaction requires and whether you’re confident they can represent you effectively. A strong relationship is valuable, but it isn’t a substitute for the right professional fit.

• Pressure on the Relationship
  What happens if you don’t find the home you want, your property takes longer to sell than expected, or you decide to change direction? A professional agent understands that not every client relationship results in a closing. Still, you’ll want to feel free to make the decision that’s right for you without worrying that you’re disappointing someone personally.

There isn’t one correct answer. Your friend or relative may be exactly the agent you should hire. Or you may decide that another professional is a better fit. Either way, it’s usually better to have the conversation openly than to avoid it and create unnecessary hurt feelings later.

A POSSIBLE WIN-WIN

If I’m the friend or relative you care about but don’t believe I’m the right agent for your transaction, tell me. I would much rather have an honest conversation than have you feel obligated to hire me. If appropriate, I may also be able to help connect you with another experienced agent whose skills, location, or specialty better match what you need. Depending on licensing requirements, applicable law, brokerage policies, and the arrangement involved, a referral between real estate professionals may sometimes include compensation.

And if you’d prefer to work with me but are worried about disappointing another friend or relative in the business, I understand that conversation can feel awkward. I’m happy to help you think through a respectful way to handle it. In some situations, a professional referral arrangement may also be worth exploring when permitted and appropriate.

The person you choose should earn your business based on the value they can bring to your transaction — not simply because you know them, and not despite knowing them. A good friend should want you to have the representation that’s right for you.