How to Avoid Hard Feelings by Using An Unrelated Agent

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

These days, just about everyone has a friend or a relative who is a real estate agent. The question to ask yourself is whether or not you should work with that person on the sale or purchase of your home, regardless of the relationship. On the one hand, you want to support them and their business endeavors, but on the other hand, a whole list of possible negatives comes to mind. Because so many people with real estate licenses are not fully engaged in the business or are part-timers lacking expertise, mixing business with a personal relationship happens more often than you would think and can harm that relationship. So what should you do?

To answer this question, let’s first identify some pros and cons of working closely with a friend or relative on a large, potentially complex financial transaction like a home sale or purchase. Then I’d like to propose a “win-win” solution if you believe working with another agent is best. This solution will dramatically reduce (or eliminate) any hard feelings that may arise from going “behind their backs” with another agent.

PROS OF WORKING WITH A FRIEND OR RELATIVE

  • Knowledge
    Depending on the type of relationship, the agent may know you better and hopefully would be on the lookout for what you really want or need.
  • Trust
    Ideally, there’s a level of trust between the two of you that simply doesn’t exist with a new agent. This can go a long way when needing to give the other party in the transaction some slack or the benefit of the doubt.
  • Financial Incentives
    Obviously, your friend or relative will receive a larger piece of the pie if you work exclusively with them as your agent, and that will be an advantage to them. Likewise, you may receive a listing commission discount or other financial incentive from them that you wouldn’t get otherwise.

CONS OF WORKING WITH A FRIEND OR RELATIVE

  • Finances
    Are you comfortable with your friend or relative being aware of your financial situation? While there are certain protections against knowing your complete financial picture, an agent should know how much of a loan you are qualified for and possibly any dings against your credit report that need to be addressed before a loan application or closing.
  • Problems with the Transaction
    Not every real estate transaction will end well. What if problems result in litigation or even just a loss of time or money? Will the relationship survive any of­­ these situations?
  • Lack of Knowledge or Experience
    People often hesitate to do business with a relative or friend because they are not confident in that person’s abilities but feel obligated to work with them anyway. Does this agent work full-time, part-time, or are they just

starting out? Do they specialize in a type of real estate (e.g., condos) for which you have no need? Are they familiar with the geographic area that you’re interested in? Did they just get licensed?

  • Uncertainty or Unsold Property
    What if you don’t find the home you are looking for or your current home just isn’t selling for what you had hoped? Will you feel bad you wasted their time because it didn’t result in a sale?

While this isn’t a complete list, and each situation is different, it covers most obstacles you might run into, and you’ll need to determine as quickly as possible which route you would like to take to avoid blindsiding the agent. In either case, honesty really is the best policy.

Win-Win Solution

If I am that friend or relative you don’t feel comfortable working with, I would appreciate your honesty and candor. I would also appreciate the opportunity to match you with an experienced, knowledgeable agent I know will serve you well. While I won’t earn as much as I would if I worked with you exclusively, I would always appreciate that you thought enough of me to let me earn a small referral fee that helps my business grow. Our relationship means a lot to me, and I would not want to jeopardize it because of unforeseen transactional problems or any deception.

If, however, you would like to work with me but don’t know how to approach your friend or relative who is an agent to explain your rationale, I can be the bridge between the two of you to ease tensions and possibly provide a referral fee to them.

Either way, if an agent doesn’t respect your decision after you have tactfully explained why you prefer to work with another agent, you may want to reconsider whether the relationship was that good in the first place.