“I have a friend in real estate.” I hear that often, and sometimes that friend really is the right person to help. But friendship and professional fit answer two different questions. Before you decide, it can help to look at what you need from an agent, what your friend or relative brings to the table, and whether combining the relationship with a major financial transaction feels comfortable to you.
There are good reasons to work with someone you already know and equally reasonable reasons to choose someone else. Rather than starting with what you think you’re supposed to do, let’s look at both sides and help you find the answer that makes sense for you.
PROS OF WORKING WITH A FRIEND OR RELATIVE
- They Already Know You
A friend or relative may understand your priorities, personality, family, and lifestyle before the first real estate conversation even begins. That can be a real advantage. The question is whether that familiarity also helps them understand what you need from the transaction.
- There’s Already Trust
You may feel comfortable being candid with someone you know well, and they may already understand how you prefer to communicate and make decisions. That existing trust can make difficult conversations easier — provided both of you are comfortable switching between the roles of friend and professional.
- They Care About the Outcome
Someone who knows you personally may feel especially invested in helping you succeed. There may also be financial arrangements they’re willing to discuss, although compensation is negotiable and any arrangement needs to comply with applicable law and brokerage policies.
CONS OF WORKING WITH A FRIEND OR RELATIVE
- How Much Do You Want to Share?
Buying or selling a home can involve conversations about money, motivation, timing, negotiation, and personal priorities. Detailed lending and credit matters generally stay with your lender, but your agent will still need enough financial context to guide the real estate side of the transaction. Ask yourself whether you’re comfortable having those conversations with this particular person.
- What Happens When Something Goes Wrong?
Most transactions have at least a few stressful moments. Inspections, appraisals, negotiations, delays, or changing plans can test even a good professional relationship. Think about whether the two of you could disagree about the transaction without allowing that disagreement to follow you into the personal relationship afterward.
- Are They the Right Agent for This Particular Job?
This may be the most useful question of all. How familiar are they with your market? Your property type? The type of transaction you’re planning? Do they have the time, resources, and experience you need? A personal relationship can be a wonderful advantage, but it shouldn’t keep you from asking the same professional questions you would ask any other agent.
Don’t assume that newer means unqualified or part-time means incapable. And don’t assume that years in the business automatically make someone right for you either. What matters is whether their capabilities match the transaction and whether you have confidence in the way they’ll represent you.
- Can You Change Course Comfortably?
Suppose your plans change, you pause your search, or your home doesn’t sell as quickly as expected. Would you feel free to make the decision that’s best for you, or would the friendship make you feel responsible for the agent’s time and expectations? That’s worth thinking about before you begin.
You don’t need to decide based on obligation, and you don’t need to avoid someone simply because the relationship is personal. Look at the whole picture. If your friend or relative is also the professional you would choose if you had never met them before, that tells you something useful.
A POSSIBLE WIN-WIN
If I happen to be that friend or relative and you decide someone else is better suited to your transaction, please tell me. I’d rather help you find the right path than have you choose me out of obligation. If appropriate, I may even be able to connect you with another experienced professional whose expertise or location is a better match. Depending on licensing requirements, applicable law, brokerage policies, and the arrangement involved, a professional referral may sometimes include compensation.
And if you decide I’m the agent you want but another friend or relative is expecting your business, I can help you think through that conversation too. There may be a respectful way to protect the relationship while still choosing the representation you believe is right for you.
You don’t owe anyone your transaction. But you do owe yourself a thoughtful decision. Choose the person you trust both personally and professionally to help you find your way through it.